the mist lifted
his outline remained
was it a shadow?
or some ethereal substance..
From far away
he looked as if made of metal;
strong, stable
beckoning me
into his arms..
i ran,hands fastened around my skirt
for days i was running for this
searchin for my soul's image
its likeness
which was its only compliment
which made it complete,whole....
famished,tired,sleepless
every atom of life remaining was transferred
to my limbs
they ran fast
towards him
he was standing ;
firm,
smile reassuring,
welcoming me back home
until..
panting,i discovered he wasnt there
not a trace of him
the thin string of breath
that had sustained me till now
broke,
i fainted,
collapsed,
ready to surrender
to death's army
and then...
i opened my eyes
felt his arms around me
his kind eyes looked into mine
infusing me with life
my blood warmed
my glassy eyes
were restored their former vitality
kiss
my life
returned.
this time,fuller.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
NORMAL? NOT REALLY
by jove!
Something's wrong.Not with me. But wid u.
Yes u,the stranger i meet inevitably every day.Your face changes everytime i c u.And then i realize its my perspective dipping into inconstancy constantly.Before i can turn to have another look, you are gone.Gone.and then i realize it was me imagining.Positively vexed,i talk to myself,tryin 2 figure out d madness seizing me.everything around seems normal,good.and then normalcy begins to acquire bizzare connotations.who decides wats normal?who decides wats rational and logical?
foucolt said society indoctrinates us wid certain concepts of 'normalcy',taking it for granted and often not subverting it at all.when i think about him and myself,i feel ashamed.
ashamed because throughout my life ive been strongly apathetic towards abnormality.atleast from inside,irrespective of d tolerant,accepting,kind face i flaunted.untill i discovered about my madness.from a mad person's view,i m mad.insane,irrational."nonsense!" u say.yes i know its nonsense 2 u...just as wat u speak may appear nonsensical to me,tho i may never show it.
v r all part of a huge masquerade,widout xption and d masks v invent vary from time to time,or place to place.my happiness cms like a mask 2 u and ur tears appear fake 2 me.
i hav no sympathy for u.u need not smile with me.
i will sing alone.
u can cry alone.
Something's wrong.Not with me. But wid u.
Yes u,the stranger i meet inevitably every day.Your face changes everytime i c u.And then i realize its my perspective dipping into inconstancy constantly.Before i can turn to have another look, you are gone.Gone.and then i realize it was me imagining.Positively vexed,i talk to myself,tryin 2 figure out d madness seizing me.everything around seems normal,good.and then normalcy begins to acquire bizzare connotations.who decides wats normal?who decides wats rational and logical?
foucolt said society indoctrinates us wid certain concepts of 'normalcy',taking it for granted and often not subverting it at all.when i think about him and myself,i feel ashamed.
ashamed because throughout my life ive been strongly apathetic towards abnormality.atleast from inside,irrespective of d tolerant,accepting,kind face i flaunted.untill i discovered about my madness.from a mad person's view,i m mad.insane,irrational."nonsense!" u say.yes i know its nonsense 2 u...just as wat u speak may appear nonsensical to me,tho i may never show it.
v r all part of a huge masquerade,widout xption and d masks v invent vary from time to time,or place to place.my happiness cms like a mask 2 u and ur tears appear fake 2 me.
i hav no sympathy for u.u need not smile with me.
i will sing alone.
u can cry alone.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
damn!
can u beat it..its the first time in my life when i have nothing to write .Usually my mind is buzzing with issues and stuff dat can be made into concrete paragraphs or somethin like that...hmm..
But if you really think about it,whats the whole goddamn point of writing over issues ..??more than half of the reading population will disagree with you anyway,and the rest ponder over why you even bothered to write and wonder ''now what could she mean by that?''(eyebrow raised,smile indicating that the writer is a freak).As for the people not included in these two halves , they read but with a complaicent eye, they dont listen to your words.
Those left out from the above categories are idiots like you and me who write,write and write a little more, trying to make them see what you feel and sometimes, when the post happens to be exceptionally good,or so you think, you feel really proud of yourself..smile smugly and relax back in your chair, pull your fingers to hear that subtle crack of the bones and stretch your back that has been bent towards the computer for the past half hour or so, giving you a faint resemblance to reptiles doing their due on the computer.....
And then , sittin right there , almost ready to pat yourself, u do the big shot writer thing by crossing your legs,stretching your arms and deciding to oblige other writers by taking a peek at their work..so you visit their blogs..start reading and bang!! your voluptious happiness,in which you were gladly immersed till about 2 seconds back is thrust into a dungyard as you witness pieces of writing undoubtedly superior to yours... seething with bold contemporary issues...written beautifully and hell!! effortlessly carrying that much coveted ' X factor' ( like Farah khan and Anu malik would put it)....
and then jerks out a faint hiss 'abey kya yaar..'
can u beat it..its the first time in my life when i have nothing to write .Usually my mind is buzzing with issues and stuff dat can be made into concrete paragraphs or somethin like that...hmm..
But if you really think about it,whats the whole goddamn point of writing over issues ..??more than half of the reading population will disagree with you anyway,and the rest ponder over why you even bothered to write and wonder ''now what could she mean by that?''(eyebrow raised,smile indicating that the writer is a freak).As for the people not included in these two halves , they read but with a complaicent eye, they dont listen to your words.
Those left out from the above categories are idiots like you and me who write,write and write a little more, trying to make them see what you feel and sometimes, when the post happens to be exceptionally good,or so you think, you feel really proud of yourself..smile smugly and relax back in your chair, pull your fingers to hear that subtle crack of the bones and stretch your back that has been bent towards the computer for the past half hour or so, giving you a faint resemblance to reptiles doing their due on the computer.....
And then , sittin right there , almost ready to pat yourself, u do the big shot writer thing by crossing your legs,stretching your arms and deciding to oblige other writers by taking a peek at their work..so you visit their blogs..start reading and bang!! your voluptious happiness,in which you were gladly immersed till about 2 seconds back is thrust into a dungyard as you witness pieces of writing undoubtedly superior to yours... seething with bold contemporary issues...written beautifully and hell!! effortlessly carrying that much coveted ' X factor' ( like Farah khan and Anu malik would put it)....
and then jerks out a faint hiss 'abey kya yaar..'
Thursday, October 12, 2006
starry skies..
Beautiful resignation...the feeling leaves me fulfilled like there is no need to strive anymore...his essence is worth surrounding with at all times..has a reassuring quality... my signal was clear.. the presence was like a supplement to me..compeleted a lack and yet provided something new,extra...bewildering...like action that cannot be frozen,encompassing small thrills that can make up a lifetime....
the residual feelings have been ornamented and kept at the recedes of my mind, can be alluded to when my mind slips into moments of chic languor.....yellow,crimson,orange...and finally blinding red! like the orgasm of consumption..aristotlean appetite..sensual and completing..... the fire blazes unquestioned,unhalted,refreshed by grand ocean waves both receding in confrontational embraces... feelings and logic at disease with each other...no questions asked...
and the speculations of the future encompass a vanilla quality.. promising and pleasant and at the same time is raging with a pristine chocolatey passion and the beautiful violence following the marriage of a tulip with an african rose...has nothin to do with the predictable or the ritualistic... should not be preserved...feelings dissolving into the infinitude,generating newness....
Monday, October 09, 2006
blood- zenith fer passion, is hot , restores life.
also terrifies,traumatizes.
comprises of RBCs,water,platelets and oxygen.
skin - seduces,induces pleasure and a skin massage relaxes.
can also produce resentment,anger,disapproval.charred skin horrifies.
is made up of a protein.has 3 layers.
love - elevates, results in happiness n satisfaction.
can also cause pain,envy,obsession.may cause murder.
is a construct of the human mind.
achievment - makes u feel successful and fulfilled.empowers.
comes at a cost,may lead 2 condemnation as with ullyses.
is attainment of a goal.
you - love yerself, have strong suits and strengths,loved by others.
get depressed,hav everythin apart from wat u really want.
r made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.
I - m proud,happy,free and pretty.
sometimes pretend m all of d above.
m made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.
blaah...blaah...blaah
words.stupid words constructed me.language created me.it can describe me and therefore limit me.my limitless possibilities lay inside the womb. can d doctor re-join the umbilical chord please?? not permanently,only fer a few seconds..i wanto re-live those 9 months..to feel what it was like.but i know my nirvana lies outside.d world has bcome my surrogate womb.maybe ill feel dislocated inside ma mother's body.life out of life.life produced life!
also terrifies,traumatizes.
comprises of RBCs,water,platelets and oxygen.
skin - seduces,induces pleasure and a skin massage relaxes.
can also produce resentment,anger,disapproval.charred skin horrifies.
is made up of a protein.has 3 layers.
love - elevates, results in happiness n satisfaction.
can also cause pain,envy,obsession.may cause murder.
is a construct of the human mind.
achievment - makes u feel successful and fulfilled.empowers.
comes at a cost,may lead 2 condemnation as with ullyses.
is attainment of a goal.
you - love yerself, have strong suits and strengths,loved by others.
get depressed,hav everythin apart from wat u really want.
r made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.
I - m proud,happy,free and pretty.
sometimes pretend m all of d above.
m made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.
blaah...blaah...blaah
words.stupid words constructed me.language created me.it can describe me and therefore limit me.my limitless possibilities lay inside the womb. can d doctor re-join the umbilical chord please?? not permanently,only fer a few seconds..i wanto re-live those 9 months..to feel what it was like.but i know my nirvana lies outside.d world has bcome my surrogate womb.maybe ill feel dislocated inside ma mother's body.life out of life.life produced life!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
PLAY
she looks on
life stares back
it stares from the stands
while she plays the real game
she is the player
she is the coach
life is an onlooker
till yesterday
it played the game fer her
she lay on her lazy bums
finishin cigars one by one
looking resigned
untill opportunity came by
he pulled her up by one arm
grabbed her by the waist
and kissed her hard
she was stunned
he kissed her again
hungrily
her red gown looked faded
in comparison to her face
it was burnin
her vitality was returned to her
from being a passive spectator
she became active
she kissed him back
her nails digging into his back
they gave birth to passion and fulfillment
the four together murdered cynicism
they cozened helplessness till it was left beggin
they ran to the field
started playin
their laughter was all consuming
she was free
she ran and her blood was redder
she snattched zombie
pulled off his mask
he could breathe
the five ran asunder
the heavens saluted them
they were gods!
life stares back
it stares from the stands
while she plays the real game
she is the player
she is the coach
life is an onlooker
till yesterday
it played the game fer her
she lay on her lazy bums
finishin cigars one by one
looking resigned
untill opportunity came by
he pulled her up by one arm
grabbed her by the waist
and kissed her hard
she was stunned
he kissed her again
hungrily
her red gown looked faded
in comparison to her face
it was burnin
her vitality was returned to her
from being a passive spectator
she became active
she kissed him back
her nails digging into his back
they gave birth to passion and fulfillment
the four together murdered cynicism
they cozened helplessness till it was left beggin
they ran to the field
started playin
their laughter was all consuming
she was free
she ran and her blood was redder
she snattched zombie
pulled off his mask
he could breathe
the five ran asunder
the heavens saluted them
they were gods!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
DENGUED SOULS
idiots!
all they can evr do is pass the blame on somebody else..responsibility is reduced to mock humor and really if anythin,they r responsible when it comes 2 usin cuss words at every possible pretext,smell of shit most of the times,eat as if there is no other activity in the world and use their smelly towels to wipe spit,not to mention the perennial scratchin of their groin...
welcome to the world of mcd.surprisingly they do know the fullform.
u seriously dont bother to look the cynical reality in its face untill a close one dies of dengue,of steps evaded by these babus cos it is too much work, the way their corrupt debauched souls lie when it comes to laying down the figures of ppl effected and their complaisence afterwards.
u may have deduced that someone close to me has been effected.yes they have and its pathetic to see them suffer.this one's out of danger thankfully,but i saw many in the process of dying,not recieveng proper care,dying away in hospitals like AIIMS ... they say there's a shortage of blood..please guys,please,if u r believers then for the fear of god and if u r athiests or agnostics like me ,then out of social duty donate blood!!
all they can evr do is pass the blame on somebody else..responsibility is reduced to mock humor and really if anythin,they r responsible when it comes 2 usin cuss words at every possible pretext,smell of shit most of the times,eat as if there is no other activity in the world and use their smelly towels to wipe spit,not to mention the perennial scratchin of their groin...
welcome to the world of mcd.surprisingly they do know the fullform.
u seriously dont bother to look the cynical reality in its face untill a close one dies of dengue,of steps evaded by these babus cos it is too much work, the way their corrupt debauched souls lie when it comes to laying down the figures of ppl effected and their complaisence afterwards.
u may have deduced that someone close to me has been effected.yes they have and its pathetic to see them suffer.this one's out of danger thankfully,but i saw many in the process of dying,not recieveng proper care,dying away in hospitals like AIIMS ... they say there's a shortage of blood..please guys,please,if u r believers then for the fear of god and if u r athiests or agnostics like me ,then out of social duty donate blood!!
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