Inertial pause.....all action suspended...momentary halt......life hesitates to move on,the past pulling it back and the future firmly beckoning.....

A cigarette is lit and the thoughtful eyes look on as if prophesising about something.,the body reclines back on the couch and his nostrils,slightly flared push out white languid fumes .the body; caught in its own weariness and reluctance to change.it had arrived at a point, and worked all through its life to reach it.now they want to push him further.to create a place? place for whom? he wont budge one inch!

And so he plants himself resolutely on the couch.He is dressed in nothing but a black bathrobe,slightly crumpled and not fitting in with the white leather sofa and the luscious decor of the room.He was wealthy and he made sure that his appearance articulated that most of the time.Except now.Right now he had other things in mind.

The bedroom door opened and a girl,barely clad, stepped out. Dressed in a white vest and lace panties..her nipples prominent and her dark tresses scattered all over her bare shoulders,she pulled a jar of apple juice out of the refregirater and drank.He watched her pink lips sink into the mouth of the jar,pressed firmly against it.....her slender body forming a perfectly shaped silhoutte against the wall..the sun catching her golden thighs and legs ...his eyes travelled all along her body..

last night had been good.yes definitely pleasurable.He wont mind having her again.He asked her how much she wanted and whether she'd like to go down all by herself or should he send for his car.She casually hinted the figure in a husky voice and said she'd like it if he could drop her to her house downtown..

she went back inside and closed the door behind her.Took a hot shower .Wiping her hair dry,she opened her purse and counted the cash.fifteen dollars.He would give her 250 more for her services.her services.she looked into the mirror.God had made her beautiful.one thing she was thankful for.for had it not been for her beauty,how would she and her kid brother survive?they were orphans,living in a bad neighbourhood.She had never gone to school and got pregnant twice.All of sixteen,she loved her ten year old brother and wanted him to have a decent education..and she,well she could pull on without it. in any case she didnt even have time for school with her day jobs and night services.She earned just enough to keep up their home, put clothes upon their backs ,food into their stomachs and send him to a school...her eyes were a beautiful brown..deep, if one cared to look inside them, and full of hidden meanings,repressed dreams, horrified memories and buried trauma....she wont let anybody retrieve them for her,her soul was closed.her heart had no place for god.she had only felt his cold shoulders...

she hurriedly slipped into her jeans and pulled on a top.Tying her hair into a knot,she scrambled out of the room...he was still sitting there,looking out of the window.He got up and handed her a roll of bills.."breakfast?"
"no,i'd rather hurry..samsom must be waiting..".Samson was her brother.
" right then,as u said, i have arranged for the driver to drop you home.There shouldnt be any problems.."
"Thanks.." she gasped,"i should hurry along now..''
"Yeah.." and he looked at her beautiful bosom.."i would call u if i need you again.."
she didnt reply and walked steadily out of the front door...

He kept looking at her till she disappeared down the terrace.His groin was aching.he couldnt call her back now.....and somehow it was more than just her body,her beautiful and firm curves.there was something more ..something he could not lay his hands on...something to which he could never have access ,no matter how many times he slept with her..it was something she had reserved deep inside.And he wanted to touch it.tenderly,gently.would she trust him..? but why would she?..infact why should she?? He didnt trust himself.....and still..the longing ....

savin me

saviour

come touch me
till your fingers sense my soul
and my nerves send electric signals
delighted in the reverie

hug me
share my solace
the infinite craving for blessedness
however wicked may the world be

pull up close
to catch my tremors
when your skin is near mine
and when saperation becomes the prime fear

lets transgress the walls
binding us to the ritualistic
fly high with the fireworks
generated from our union

fling away the blasse life we have lived uptill now
lets sashay down the ramp
with the spotlight on the trail
swing me and catch me
let me feel your moist breath

exit mode

going..going...gone??

baby i'm addicted,but all i really know dat yer d only reason i am tryin..

someone somewhere hopelessly strikes a chord with you, a very strong one at dat, only for u realize that it is amazing,exhilirating even, has got aphrodisiacal properties but is ,nonetheless, hopeless..

they feel the same and you getto know widout their telling you,but forces outside your control keep you from expecting more out of d relationship,even induce saperation,tears,morbid thoughts,dull sadness and in d end, a void where that person had resided....

bang!!!!

life changes.it rains,rains and rains more...an empty street outside greets you with its infectious morbidness..but you resist,you resilient spirit,you resist and force the darkness away...

in your head,in your head,zombie,zombie,zombie..

and then sleep dawns.its soothing wings carry you away into a comforting,beautiful emptiness..and you thank her..life changed,not me ,nor did some other things and in that constancy my recovery lies..

the umbilical chord broke,the blood got splattered all over,i cried but those tears diluted the blood till the dark threatening red opaqueness acquired a less menacing translucent quality,


The phantom threatened execution
its sharp teeth ready to dig into my throat
the vampire expressed its loathe
splattering me with its venom
welcome to misery's harem

yes i did face the darkness
duelled with the devils
ye god!where art thou?
even he refused to pull me out of d mess

and the sun did ascend
its rays pierced the morose greyness
d misery i did transcend
jumped out of the endless abyss..

think knot

windy night

sitting by the window,i reflect..a book is open in my lap ,d black words staring back at me.. pages furiously flipping by,crying for my attention..

but i am sunk in resolute reflectiveness,thinking ..and yet not thinking..i let thoughts paint themselves on my mind without intervening..

mom..my frikin speakers dat refuse to belch out any sound...d rock cds i must return manjari by monday..isha's bizarre phonecall and her stupid attempts at bitching about kanu..nikhil nitin and their gig at d mezz..following wid nikhil's ecstatical phonecall..chicken momos..dad's promise to bring home some good bubbly for me and LA...d weird guys thronging my colony these days,creating a ruckus each evening..that lady who shouts the daylight out of us, if i and shivani laugh too loud...mann n his bogus lovelife...

the cellphone burps.1 message recieved. an -ibn update.thank godd! i thought it would be one of those anonymous senders..for d past one hour their bogus corny msgs hav been flooding my cell..

i often sink into such blank moments when thoughts assault me on their own,receding one by one..leaving no permanent impression in my mind..

i pull my lazy bums from the couch n stretch myself..

wat did i sit for anyway??i glance at the foresaken book..

fuck!! d presentation ...

oh!!

but wat d hell ill do it later..i snatch d discman 4m d bed n close my eyes to lithium...saunter off d room n descend d staircase..only 2 b attacked by mansi n shivani..one pulls off an earphone 2 stick into her ear n the other grabs hold of my cell...naural when u hav a hutch prepaid with 1500 msgs .. talk of xploitation!!