un-think

NOT HAPPENING

2009-08-03T02:04:00.000-07:00

It’s so tough to let go. Of all the memories that assault you when you hit places that uve been together to. Of past conversations that hit you when you least expect them to. When you are so happy one moment and the next you have tears flowing down because the music reminded you of a note you sang together. Because you were so used to being together. That one moment you are hopping from shop to shop, pub to pub with your friends and one minute while sharing a smoke you get arrested by the memory of something he said.
Everything you do is to jump back to being the rockstar you used to be. An array of pursuers behind you and each one of them pisses you off for no fault of there own. The thought of being with someone else itself is revolting. Didn’t you know that you were the one?

Sometimes it’s like watching the same dream again and again, each time with a different conclusion, depending on your own fancy. Following a rigid routine at work doesn’t help matters one bit.

Tripping !

2009-06-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

Floating in my head are the times we spent sitting at the college back gate on a cold delhi morning. All of us huddled together and sipping on chai that the hostel guy would get for us. Discussing last night’s exploits, Ira and lectures that we planned to miss on the pretext of rehearsals. And then Puja would shoot a Dylan song in the air while all of us listened and made fun of each other, at the same time . Anu and I joined forces against the self proclaimed retard, Ambika and the rest would start thrashing me, with words like Pseudo, chappal rebel resonating in the air. All we cared about was catching concerts, plays and movie festivals happening in the city. Gorging on street food came a close second. Ours was a world saperate from the rest. 15 girls cooped on one spot at the backgate while the rest buzzed by, stopped to tie their shoe laces or disappearing into the hostel dhaba to emerge in the next few seconds, armed with chai and samosas, briskly walking towards their classrooms. The slow life, the nice life, the life that was punctuated by inanimate hours on the bed, dreaming and listening to music after a hard, hard day. I spoke too many lies to protect my moments. Ditched plans, made up stories, got hated and then got hated a little more.

hell guys i miss you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
and my li'l Room, you too!

what the fuck

2009-05-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

no love.
no hurt.
no dues to pay.
no answers to give.

one day at podar centre

2009-05-13T01:48:00.000-07:00

let me go
let me go
i have cramps
lemme go

damn good piece of wisdom
let me goooooooooo

I'm jus a lil girl
nobody loves me
she's jus a little girl from a pretty family
save me this time from this monstrosity
easy come easy go
will you lemme go?

dickhead: bismillah, no, i will not let you go!
copygirl: lemme go!

you jus think you can brief me and leave me to dieee

you jus think you can crack jokes and leave me to cryyy

oooh baibeeh

gotta hear me out baibeeehh

jus gotta get out
jus gotta get right outta heree!!!

the P word

2009-05-11T03:42:00.000-07:00

working. learning. enjoying.

learning most of all. ofcourse, learning stuff related to copy etc. but also about people and politics.
They say be careful what you say and in front of whom. yeah, okay, you know that's not too tough. but it's a kind of given that you know stuff like this. Obviously, i have let out a few things unwittingly in front of an audience not perfect for such candidness.

Hell. i couldn't give a damn beyond posting this. All you people out there, please don't give a fuck about what to say. There's nothing like time and place, nothing more important than standing by your word and if somebody tries sabotaging your case, well, all I'd say is, if god has endowed you with guts, hopefully he also made you clever enough to shoot the man right back where it hurts the most.Laugh and rest.

keep green.

2008-12-22T23:01:00.000-08:00

The tongue has untied itself. The chaos has ended. sigh. I'm alright now. That boy is human.

tied

2008-12-12T00:36:00.000-08:00

when was the last time u felt tongue tied?

when your crush would appear suddenly from somewhere and ask you a question? post an argument on a topic very close to your heart?

i never thought i'd face this situation after class 6 when i'd just stand stupefied in front of the boy i had a crush on.

it's madenning. like a new height of helplessness and happens every single time this person's around me. i feel like an awestruck 3 year old. And he's no different from you or me. That's what really gets me. Moreso, he's so scathingly real, and genuine that i fear he'd see some fascard or something in me if i speak much. It's hateable to be in a situation like that, trust me. I felt so ashamed of figuring this that i just wanted to collapse on the ground or merge with the wall or something.

why i ask? if kanika of 6 years back was to see me right now, she'd laugh condescendingly.

is there nothing to be done? i don't even like him for godsake.

sugar coats

2008-07-31T13:27:00.000-07:00

it feels good to have cleared the air. it feels good to have taken the first step and understood that another was perhaps waiting for me to take it. She understood beautifully and the crack has mended itself .It was amazing how this one reacted with a beautiful smile. Gauri, there's more to you than i assumed. And you have me thinking, sweetness, over my pre dispositions.

THE WORD

2008-05-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

After a discussion in Puja'a car yesterday, i am left with a feeling that good writing skills are grossly overrated. And ofcourse i am party to this 'overating', that i must not deny. It is easy to admire someone to whom you can attribute a handful of amazingly written things, which somehow, i believe leads one to draw other inferences about that particular person. Now darling Anamika believes Sreemoyi to be a good writer because, and here i'm left reactionless, she speaks well ?!!. it is a fact well known that Sreemoyi is an amazing writer, but, behold, can the same be gauged from the way she speaks?

And yes, there is one more person, i cannot but mention in this regard. Pritish. Darling, you must be aware that your conversations are half jibberish as you wrestle with words and use the most unlikely combinations, to, i fear , flaunt (to yourself) your verbal prowess and forget to convey meaning in the process. convolution adorns a new meaning altogether.

I recently chanced upon a copy of competition success, and came to the essays section. To my horror, more than content, these essays were crammed with nauseating flowery language and archaic words. Most of the stuff that IAS and MBA aspirants have ever managed to think about is, if one was to infer from these essays submitted by them, on stereotypical lines. The rest half of nausea is caused by their choice of words; "the typical mentality of us Indians indicates backwardness ..." shot one sample. I don't want to deviate from my original project but what is happening to language, i fail to understand? Why is it given more mileage than meaning by so many.. yes there is certain delight in indulging in witticisms and puns but please reserve your doctorate in the art of cramming words when only a couple would suffice , to yourself . Please. Thanks.

I'm jobless, as can be easily inferred.

gfuodyco

2008-03-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

To myself i promise that after hee hawing a little more in the cyber world, ill gallop back to my assignment.

That done, i will like to fling at you a few anxious questions. Firstly, where are all my blogger freinds? Puja, i beseech you to start blogging right away! or at least leave comments on my post, for you see, your comments, as i've noticed in the past, fuel some warm discussions , which having heard of in coll,others like to view first hand. Manjari, the same goes for you. Prakriti, i swear ill comment on your post, just put one up!

Sahil, i wont ask you to comment. But ive observed that your posts have acquired a slightly non comprehensible quality. They seem expunged in gloom. Pray, are you alright?

*stretch*. i believe ill go back now.

BUTTERCUP :)

2008-02-23T03:42:00.000-08:00

'm felling good and not for no visible reasons. For instance i m back to having my fair share of chicken and lasagnia... college is back to being fun and sunny and good times are back i.e we are back to spending ample time loitering at the backgate blatantly combatting the farcical no smoking campaign and junking on cholla kulchas....have collected dvds to be devoured over the weekend....... reading dostoevsky, camus , naylor,kafka,brunch magazines and junky chapbooks all at once....... cleared the written test for TISS......... and excitement also fills me at the prospect of filming a short documentary on something, that something still being undefined as a result of brainstorming on various possible subjects. Surprisingly, ive also discovered some amazing songs that had been stacked in my ipod without me somehow being aware of their presence. They are more than welcome ofcourse. Then, there's a surprise awaiting Ramjas college on the 25th. To be in the loop, come watch MH's alice in wonderland at ramjas on monday.

BLUES

2008-02-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

It's been painfully long since i wrote. We could suppose this was because of a general aphasia towards events. Right after something -totally unexpected- happened. I couldn't get through SIMC. and hell no, m not over it yet. Lets admit it. It is supposed to be one of the easiest places to get through.I'm trying hard not to feel like a duffer. I'm done with putting the onus on my clothes during interview n stuff ( need one adhere to nonsensical dressing norms for a mass com interview?) or my unfleeting casual attitude ( and why not, is it a crime to be casual for crissake?). Anyhow, I'll admit i am more indignant than sorry. Lets face it. It(SIMC) ain't that good baby(which is why it is believed to be easy to crack ). And perhaps i am cut out for far greater things ( i need to believe in some truth value pertaining to the aforementioned statement). oh well, chuck. My blogspace is sacrosanct and I'm not going to let it be overhauled by sadness. Life seems at the moment to be a pair of pink pyjamas though- cant take it too seriously. What needs to be taken seriously though are a few poets and writers who are thrust into my bag each morning, sidelined amidst early morning sudoku contests and drowned by led zep filling the body system ,ear downwards. Oh! and on a happy note, i got a bob marley and che poster and another beatles poster is on the way! Hurray! And Shaurya i know you shan't read this but i was happy today. Thanx! Anyway, i'll go now. Like i said this space is sacrosanct and sadness must not be a part of it. And he is away.

unchained melody

2007-09-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

SO THIS IS WHAT YOU MEAN
AND THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL ..

After a goddamshamedly tiring day, all that's required are a few favourite songs, chilled coffee and a chair. good songs like Gin soaked boy , good songs like deep , like 'love song ' by 311..... shut your eyes and man, you feel yourself getting rapidly enveloped by soft,soft lightness..This.man.is.all.that.life.is

A crescendo of all soulful voices,of all soft echoes, of all soothing melodies playing in your mind , brought together and accentuated within this final moment.Moments before i crash on my bed.as guitar strings hum in the air and soft,deep beats charge it. girl,oh girl.smile please.complete this moment.

to relate, check;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZqEqypU4cs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZFOApv4zWY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXP1oLtPyDA

WHATEVER YOU MAY CALL IT

2007-07-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Wow! Its been ages since i blogged. Rather, its been ages since i wrote.Today, i have a simple reason. A simple thing. I note, I am , For the larger part of my days these days, lost. In terms of my eloquence, clarity of mind, subject matter to ponder over. Not too good a feeling. And yet i feel so elemental, so raw. Free , because i don't feel my superego restricting or confining, anything. Whatever's in there, comes wholly out. Unfree, because , lingering, somewhere in the relegates of my mind, is resistance to trusting everything around me, so wholly,so completely, nevermind it being the kind of resistance which is supressed, and is felt, merely through its absence. Am i doing right? i feel this question, floating in there, somewhere, going unaddressed, unanswered. I fear.

contemplative pit 2

2007-06-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

its like a blackhole. No way out. You struggle for a bit of light. And after a while you stop struggling. jeez!

my contemplative pit

2007-05-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

A song
A violet bangle
ink
A call
A voice
love.. accidentally?
crimson
long brown fringes
wild blackberries

Thoughts and images cram my head. A head furnished wid mundanities of life, trying to make some of them stand out. Leaving an impact.An impression. What would blackberries mean to me if id never seen them before, knew nothing about them?Would i still feel inclined towards tasting them? will i be afraid? would i want to get into something that holds unknown possibilities , would i put everything at stake for it...should i ? i can lose everythin..or i can gain . EVERYTHING. And whats the point acting safe, taking too many precautions in life anyway? Even if i lose, i shant malign myself as a coward. My self respect shall be retained.untainted. I wont lose my resilience. So in retrospect everything will not be lost. But to gain , there's everything.

Another World. Soon.

2007-04-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

First things first. check out my Poky. Na na, ull havta scroll down. yea. Isnt she cute???

You see, my Poky is my inspiration as i write this . Umm.. the Greek muses wont be too happy eh? Why is Poky my inspiration now? See she just is, ok? just coz she's a pig doesn't mean she cannot be! uff, some presumptuous wits! some wits!hmmmm...btw, right now am listening to Maula mere. Me thinks m tiring of this song, but its melody just keeps me ..err..hooked. Manj says the song is being 'Inflicted' on her ( yea Puja, i can see you screwing yer nose too..). But m sure some people like this song eh? Some there must be. Oh my soul says there must be!! And then there is Overkill by Colin Hays and Voice by Pentagram. hooked . uhh.. wait.. hear 'Voice' if you haven't already. really.

So. Exam happened today. Everything between 9am and noon is a blurr. Guilty? well hell No! Not at all. Its funny how life seems different after you've got an iron load off your chest. Iron load, read Milton , Webster and other similar Homo Sapiens who were brilliant no doubt.. but their brilliance is quite lost on me..us .. wrong time pals. Your texts don't belong. I like Satan of course. But writing about him is a different thing altogether. Mkd said they had a creative writing paper in their days. Now what i don't understand is, why do they scrap all interesting things from the syllabus? Who says Milton is better than creating your own stuff. you know, like being your own Milton. Hehe, sounded quirky i know.

So, yea life. hmm. You know about it seeming different and all, its just overwhelming really. I mean i was smiling at SP. see?. For the uninitiated, SP is a virulent virago who also happens to teach. us. And then there was the bus conductor who was trying to be one chip of a smartass, pretending he had no change. But i just did not get annoyed. i just did not. Kanika, girl, you are becoming quite patient and all. good good.

So even though there's one shandy paper left still, Exams are almost over. Over is a beautiful word. Over is a new world in itself. Over is a beautiful person. Over, i shall meet you in four days. You just see. haa!

errrm..

2007-04-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

The dress was taken off carelessly.

The head, less so.

what matters really

2007-03-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

what really matters in life are things ,dominantly considered as inane,needless,trivial,insignificant and immaterial in the so called 'real world'.'the real world' is an often misused,abused and reused word in d vocabulary of unerring parents.

'parents' constitute an integral part of existence,especially for those who live with them. Time , since after the 7 days of creation, has borne testimony to the fact that things often considered useless by parents acquire an uncanny importance in the life of children.in the life of 'us'.

moving away from conjectures, a few examples shall fruitfully elucidate my implications.

1) ordering honey chicken on phone. recieving chilli chicken . turns out the specificity of the 'type' got lost in translation.lost in translation when word was passed to mom, from mom to dad and from dad to the fast food guy at d other end of the phone. your protests are supressed with a '' what the hell does it matter really..'' . pfffbttt!

2)listening to Keane and floyd during breakfast.its a prescriptive must for me. supplies me with 'extra nutrients'. soft headbanging and various other types of twists and nods are met with amused glares. mom speaks more when my headphones are jammed in my ears.she confessed it is done deliberately.

3) extremely bitter coffee. cannot consume coffee in any other way. when self service can be avoided, mom volunteers. coffee with extra dollops of sugar is handed over to me.till then its fine. the cup is lifted subtely and i tilt the contents absentmindedly into my mouth. shock. splutter. disgust. An absolute refusal to continue.Mom shoots back. ''its coffee all d same, have it or leave it,u r NOT gettin another cup..'' .compelled by a lethargic existence, and a morning that just began..i consume.

4) a new handset. my nokia 2600 has started supplying me with an ancient aura. it is used meekly and slyly with blackberries,N92s, motorazors thronging the world around me.i feel old.very old.parents fail to empathize. they dont see the point on my shamestruck face after misplacing a v3i. they dont c how ''accidents can just happen''. sigh.

GO ON ..READ

2007-03-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

If you come to think about it, most people regard all girls institutions with disdain...specially girls who aint part of it already or are at the brink of joining 'em.. you know how the common argument runs..''girls are majorly bitchy and have these stupid wiles about them..blah blah...''

dipshit i say..n well u better take it from me cos i belong to an all girls' ..hehe

ill admit on my first day of college..i was a bunch of nerves man..biting nails and all that(on a symbolic level)..in my entire life ive held a record for never likin girls too much n well, never being liked by them either .. so well..err..u can imagine how it mustve felt to be flung into a mass of x chromosome.. BUT a few days into this place n i discovered i was havin an awesome time man...like fun at its funnest !!

lets c wat all helped:

1) man u can wear whatever you want.no compunctions, no awkward moments wid guys gaping with their mouths half open...and what relief to b clad in shorts during the scorchy humid summer days... not to forget hopping about n jumping and gettin soaked in rain , enjoying every bit of it...running around, slapping each other hard on the back,doing awkward stunts in middle of the college without caring two hoots.. !

2)lets face it, a lotta girls havta repress what they really wanna be when guys are around lest they be..err..labelled. BUT THIS JUST DOES NOT HAPPEN HERE!!!

3)girl girl bonding.also known as homosocial bonding.often mistaken with homosexual bonding. So well you discover the line between the two and can spend the rest of your lives on that line havin a ball...of course u can spill into either side if you want ... believe it or not(its almost like m sayin this to myself),i can now claim girls to be my best friends!! :) ( at d cost of soundin corny)

now for the specificities of some interesting individuals i met here-

1) man jhadi- also known as manjari.no specific reason why ive slotted you here. just that each day begins with her all encompassing laughter which i suspect echoes till hudson lines .. it originates, methinks ,from the bottom of the dark mysterious pit of her stomach and emanates forth with a vigour that is unsurpassed. here's to u manj !!!!!!;) LUBB YOU

2)kanupriya- her life is defined by osho's discourses n specifically the ones on sex. 'very liberating' she says.yeah well they are indeed quite,shall i say, 'enlightening'?hehe

3)naina- she is the versatilest thing ive ever come across. A part of her versatile knowledge includes knowing what the nescafe guy does behind closed doors and she loves scandalizing 'some' ppl by tellin em. Naina,temme,hows it that only u know what he does behind those doors??me thinks she cooks most of it...but then its high on entertainment value, so who cares?!

4) puja- she is 'the ladies man' , 'the sport' and 'The Rake'..she flirts well and she scares well . she scares with her karate antics. She breaks a rib or two and she laughs her triumphant laughter.if not doing this, she can be usually found loitering languidly anywhere in college,seizing harmless twits and bullying around. food is her fuel.food is all that matters anyway.

5)srimoyi- unquestionably THE quintessential intellectual.we bet she'll land up in oxford or harvard and give our lecturers somethin to think about!she almost always unfailingly makes yer intellect seem puny!! way to go Sree!!

n i can go on n on...but u get the idea right... its never ending fun to be here...to let yourself free and jus well freak out n freak d hell outta those beyond the college walls.. ;) ;)

now i think i should go n give my notes a chance to be read and act as the beacon of light for those who lay in ignorance till now.Fond reflections such as these are often a result of an existence warped by approaching exams.''Examinations fuck one.Examinations fuck all.no one dies a virgin... '' saying thus god kicked us into infernal hell ...

somewhere out there..

2007-03-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

somewhere out there
among the shacks and relics of a broken existence
he stares outside the window
upon a world free..up he looks
swaying on sky high swings
he jumps and flies
his arms spread wide

he sits back on his arm chair and sighs
the guitar strings broken
a drumset torn and dusty
lying among the ruins of a long forgotten existence
amidst the waste furnished by his past

the memory of his first love flashed across his mind
in her skin tight jeans
and a loose sweater
sittin with him, swayin to dope infested reggae beats
The others languidly spread over the grass
flouting reality
reigning
reigning

they reigned
they, her ,him

they laughed
and they sang
beat their thoughts into their songs
engraved their lives into their songs

ram,vish, kay,our jay

now its him ,just him
they all went
disappeared
like ephemeral memories
leaving behind a bitter aftertaste
of their existence gone too soon

a hammock
a new guitar
his grey hair
his floral shirt

a new beginning
this time over
the stars listen

un-think

2007-02-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

lurking behind the receptacles of memory..are the lesser memories forgotten compeletely...or memories that got undone..unmemoried..

do we forget things ..or can we forget things at all?

conversly..

is it possible to freeze beautiful moments as they are??
forever?n not let the strings of time distort them?

cos my history,
my present,
is a bundle of entangled memories
some that i want to strangle without mirth
some that i want to integrate into my everyday existence
some that have dissolved into nothingness..

and yet..

memories...do have a life of their own..but that life is..passive.. they may fade with time..n even if they dont ..

their significance does ..

i dont want these moments -
these specific ones -
to be framed in the relegates of my mind
as memories
that will hang
and float
but wont breathe into my face

i want these moments
to live
an eternal life
not frozen
but retained in their livingness
their vitality

your hand as real as ever on my cheek
the volatile touch
waitin for me to seek refuge in it whenever they snap at me

the world is now divided.

theres 'them'
and there's 'you'

muzik

2007-02-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

How will it feel to just fly away...soar high...very high... and never come back..out of reach for the endless bounds of earthly existence...no obligations..responsibilities..dependence...

to feel yourself kissing the ephemeral clouds...wrapping themselves around your body like white curtains..

oh divine abandon! feeling yourself expand...like a turbulent volacano...blessed with the prowess to do anything...rising above god?or is that heresy? for once though..letme over reach...lemme be icarus whose wings could not be melted by the fiercest sun....lemme swallow the seven oceans and yet not be full...

gimme fire...yeah...turbulence...tornadoes....thunderous grey....scorching red...

lemme dance ...dance and unite myself with everything around...birds and dolphins alike...feeling the urgency of a storm in my veins..

just feeling and moving..

fuk d world

2007-01-26T10:49:00.000-08:00

sometimes....no matter how much u try to make things work in your life......there'll always b some assholes who screw everythin up n behave like..well ..assholes.................. n d fkin thing is..they manage to effect ya..make u cry at times..... n u want to kick them hard...hurt them real bad! and they still behave like lumps of inanimate meat!

of apple pies and chocolate tarts..

2007-01-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

sometimes ,when seized by a personal calamity,something you percieve to have altered your existence overnight, you shut all sunlight out...because its difficult to confront a new sense of reality.its like you've been addicted to apple pies for a while but they got over soon and you, despite of having the option of tasting an endless variety of different pies ,would want your apple pie ,''and nothing else..period!''.you wont stop sulking till your demand is met with,and THAT just does not happen...

finally , tired , very consciously you lift a chocolate tart lying right in front of you, and without thinking much, bite..and oh!..does it taste awesome or DOES IT TASTE AWESOME!!....

all it takes is wanting to take a risk... knowing that your apple pie aint even worth the time spent missing it....and in hindsight it appears lame , its loss- a blessing in disguise..a means infact by which not only does your life become better but u learn that you got addicted to it,not because of what it was,but what you made it out to be, that you projected on it pleasures that can be availed of thrice fold from elsewhere... and all the while you thought it aint possible!!

in the end,the apple pie remains exactly what it ever was and ever will be,an apple pie.....

imagine dousing your choco tart with thick chocolate syrup(m a chocoholic of the supremest order) and teething into the gooey mush...oooooohhh..(wont trade any goddam thing fer this feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)..having your mouth aesthtically smudged with chocolatey ecstasy and closing your eyes...

this guys, is LIFE!!

incase you thought this one's an ode to the french who introduced these delights to r lives....well..i m seriously contemplating on writing a post to serve that very purpose, but this one ,ladies and chentlemen , is about life,my life .. and discovering my choco tart :)

psstt..

2007-01-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

Am a dreamer
when i wake
my spirit stays
its my dreams you take

I see u holding my hand
and i wonder
will d sun shine so bright
if it were not for you

Ive broken down
each time a dream turned fake
to c myself not crying alone
its your shoulders dat kept me awake

each time,each time i tried to find,
i tried to seek
what was so readily available
waiting fer me to seize it

as i stand confused
with dilemma infused
worn out and cynical
you look at me

to your eyes i turn
to find my world
a world i tried to build elsewhere
i hear;
"welcome home"

2007-01-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

As i sit in the dark room
with a candle in front of me
my eyes illumined
i look at you

apprehension darkens your face
a drop of sweat trickles down
youve never seen anyone like me before
your muscles tighten in speculation

the walls start revolving
slow at first
and then fast
so fast that your head starts aching
everything seems hazy
except my face

transfixed,
my eyes pierce into yours
painfully penetrate
and then your eyes notice
a halo diffused around my head

my eyes soften
a smile spreads across my face
i get up
and walk slowly across the room
to you

i position myself
right in front of you;
you look up
perplexed,
take my hand
and pull me down

you look into my face
i look ethereal to you
but no
m less than human
you cant see that as yet

and then
i put my trust in you
like a baby
surrender compeletely
wholly
you stand up
and try to pull me along

i get up
but...
no,i couldnt stand with you
my autonomy existed only in my difference
from you
so i ran
ran away
out of this room
leaving those walls behind
ran
ran for my life
far away

2006-12-31T02:32:00.000-08:00

she sat alone on the sand
looking onwards,feet set astride
gentle waves lapped up her feet
strong feet they were,set firmly on the ground
a bottle of wine clutched in one hand
her friends cried out her name,
dancing at a distance
she looked back
pondered for a minute
decided to stay
for some minutes more..

the sun looked worn out
it rusted the sky
and began sinking into the sea..

reflections swayed in her mind
evoking desires
prodding her to dream on
dreams concealing past joys
moments frozen and safely kept
a smile flickered on her lips
her eyes distant
memories embroiled in sweet syrup
she dropped it
it fell with a 'thudd'
its beauty best remained in itself
not to be dragged into 'now'
'now' looked way too promising
and the future, exciting
her blood stirred..

will she forget him?
n let go of him?
NO.
more than a reciever of her affections
he remained a friend
a precious companion
but no more was he her 'whole'
he had stirred the most profound emotions in her
emotions she cringed to feel
love has not left her
it lingers
waiting eagerly to be endowed yet again
fully,selflessly
cannonizing the two involved
be it,momentary

the waves cleansed her regrets
her melancholia
a perfumed present
corroded her essence
like a sweet enemy
soothing yet teasing..

someone sang out loud
''che sera sera...''
she giggled
sprang up
and ran
her friends were waitin fer her..

N IT ALL FELT SOO FAMILIAR..

forbidden fruit

2006-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hungry ,
i eyed a crisp,red apple
delicious it looked
i bit into it
addictive,couldnt stop eatin
went on n on n on
till
a limp,bitter core was left starin at me
the apple was no more.

invocation to d soul

2006-12-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

where's the sun,can u find it for me? but whats the use,i am blind

i am thirsty, can u bring me water?but whats d use,i am a corpse

i am famished,can i have some food?but whats the use,they cut my tongue

can i smell wet earth please?will you make it rain? rain and make the sea swell further.

have you touched my skin?hasnt it become cold? and my voice ,has it not become empty?my gait tired ? trying desperately to catch a glimpse of me...me.... pleading to my soul for freedom...nirvana... snatching me away from d bottomless darkness,to fling me into blinding white, injecting vitality into my veins...

my eyes....where's the fire,that used to dance freely.....is it in there somewhere, momentarily dormant?waiting to rage out .... to swallow everything in it.....fusing with ice... icy fire?

rising

2006-12-17T00:31:00.000-08:00

The phoenix slumbered beneath the ashes
snoring phlegmatically
floating in a beautiful dream
a dream she took to be real
the ashes got too hot
she felt suffocated;
awakened,
shot its mighty neck through the black poison
to face the sun
looked it in the eye
the sun blinked,intimidated

she shook the powdery flakes from its majestic wings
the sleep had rusted her gigantic spirit
softened her will
balmed and gooed the heart
it was an unnatural state
in which she held on tightly to the dream
the dream which had drugged her senses
now she took hold of the dream,kissed it tenderly
caressed it
it had given her moments of new found revelation
a mystic happiness
that engulfed even d pain
pain cocooned in a mellow beauty..

and then
she let go of it
the dream looked back at her
smiled and took flight
she had freed it
but in the process
freed herself
sighing happily
she spread out her wings
and flew
the air around her shudderring
her laughter echoed far beyond
sailing through cottony clouds

and then stars came out in the morning,
shaken from their uneventful sleep
to greet her
Astrophil was waiting for her
she saw him
they embraced

Diana looked from behind the sleeping moon
blessing them

Astrophil, the phoenix's self
who had been left behind
in her persuit of the dream

blues

2006-12-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

scene1:

he pulled up his tri cycle next to her
she was carrying a basket of plums in her dimpled hands
d breeze pushin strands of silken baby hair across her face
n he produces a flower in fronta her
baby pink ,like her frock
-break-
("...others were not meant to play wid ur heart baby,
step over your feelings , or
trample over u wid their unthoughtfulness.
it will hurt to hear this.
but till how long will you immerse yourself in stories...lies...to comfort yourself .....")

scene2:

the two scramble down a pebbled road

along a slope

flanked with luscious fields along both sides

brimming with honeysuckles n tulips

hand in hand

they ran

screaming with laughter

their voices echoin

-break-

("..tell me girl,is it even worth it
is it worth losin respect fer yourself??...")

her face stained with tears,she scribbled;
cover me up
from head to toe
m naked n cold
doesnt it show?
spread your all encompassin wings
to block my raging tears
fly me to a land where m secure
peaceful comfort serenades my uneventful abode
if structured be i to feel n cringe
get hurt and run away
y did lord god create me at the first place
to hurt myself
to hurt others ..

scene3:
... their bodies enveloped in sweet baby sweat
their faces red and glowing
they stopped
planted themselves on a soft patch on the grass
and lay there
the girl put her head on his lap
n he pulled her up
caressing her..
.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-11-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

love

a myth?a fable?

or is it a game dat our senses play on us?

untangible
non tactile
like air

when they ask ,"r u in love?"

i dont know what to say

because no matter how many sonnets,poems,songs,comedies,tragedies,novels,epics were driven by this emotion,each one takin its own unique stance,trying 2 capture it,describe it ,share it....the fact remains,love,of all feelings is d most subjective and individualized emotion....which is real in our senses alone

n as easy it is fer d world 2 chalk out a clear definition fer feelings like trust,honesty,faith...love just cannot be defined!!

n yet everybody has a consensual understandin of d term when it is used invariably across movie dialogus,screenplays,stories and poetry..

strange

very strange

to me though

love is analogous to trust,understanding,adjustment,passion,care.....

n yet it sounds infinitely more romantic 2 say i m in love,instead of sayin i trust n understand him,not to mention i m compatible with him as well!!

so i just say ,i m in love

to hav the listener imply a hundred other meanings from it

sheesh!!

never thought id write on love,of all subjects on this planet....it is afterall d most stereotypical subject,overused and manipulated..

and yet...

i hate 2 slander d term by imparting meanings to it

i hate to see people serenade about it,makin it appear spotless,flawless and perfect,almost virgin like innocent

they say it doesnt leave u lonely

how can it not??

arent u bound 2 feel lonely ,more so when in love....when things are not tatally perfect....wen u r thrust into a space of uncertainty...catapulted into a realm of self doubt...

arrey yar
logon ko toh is tension ko palne me bhi maza ata hai

ajeeb hai bhai

chalo..jo bhi..

RED WHINE FROM BEHIND THE MIND

2006-11-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

empty flute glasses
adorned the table
laid on the same were bottles of fine red wine
a white china vase bursting with voluptious thick red roses
roses that reminded one of the fullness of the bodies of healthy spanish women
white delicate plates flaunting patterns made with twenty four carat gold

placed right next to the vase was a basket of
grapes, bursting with sweet sugary juice
marinated lamb,glistening in the yellow light
foie gras and chocolate truffle
meat pies and caviare
a crystal jar of water played up the image of the chandelier hanging right above

till well mannered,well trained manicured hands started playing around
interrupting the sophisticated stillness of nature displayed in parts.
there were masculine hands;hairy,tawny and well tanned
and there were the feminine ones,mostly long fingered with many diamond rings
delicate and soft
they were engaged on the table
passing around the meat and wine
as if engaged in a greedy foreplay
veiled in aristocratic hospitality

in d next room:
u found
a glass table
with white powder divided into 18 strips
proceeded by a hurried rolling of joints
emergency like
none of the faces were too clear,they were floating
in smoke
empty bottles of beer lying on the floor
not to forget the underwears flung all over
each one of them was fuelled
pairs rocking on the floor
three of them were on the bed
an orgy happenin in the middle of d room
some just lay around,too happy gazing at the cieling and puffing out poison

both rooms enveloped in ecstasy
the first one wrapped it up in a look good bourgoise uprightness
the second in a blunt, thundering blatancy

so why exonerate the ones in the first room in yer conscience
their pretentions butcher all symptoms of humanness
which is to say they are practically beast seeming
like those in the 2nd room
from the eyes of a child

blogthings

2006-11-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

I TOOK THESE TESTS ON D NET...SOME DELIRIOUSLY FUNNY, SOME ECCENTRIC..AND OTHERS ,WELL, BOTH ECCENTRIC N FUNNY!! HAD TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS B4 BEING PRESENTED WITH A RESULT.

Q)WAT SUNSIGN SHOULD U BE
You Should Be A Gemini
What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around..What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly..Your ideal job: mime, guru, or cartoonist..Your sense of fashion: casual and simple..You like to pig out on: fast food, especially burritos

Q)WAT PIE ARE YOU?
You Are Apple Pie
You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional Those who like you crave security

Your Old Fashioned Name Is...

Millicent Pennebrygg

Q)WAT PIZZA ARE YOU?
Pepperoni Pizza
Robust and dominant.When you go for something, you go full force.You tend to take control of situations easily.And in return, you get a ton of respect.

Q)WHAT LOTTERY TICKET ARE YOU?
Full of hope and promise.But in the end, a cheap letdown.

Q)WHAT WERE YOU IN YOUR PAST LIFE?
You Were: An Obese Warrior...Where You Lived: North Canada...How You Died: Hung for treason.

Q)WHAT KIND OF AN ARTIST ARE YOU?
Pop artist.When it comes to art, you're definitely not a snob.You can appreciate the mainstream aspects of culture, even if you need to twist them a bit to make them your own.Whether you're into comics, retro pinups, or bold colors, you embrace what's eye catching and simple.

Q)HOW NORMAL ARE YOU?
You Are 50% Normal
While some of your behavior is quite normal...Other things you do are downright strange..You've got a little of your freak going on..But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

Your Musical Tastes Match: Jennifer Garner

Your 1950s Name is:
Sally Janie

Q)YOUR IDEAL CAREERS
Your Ideal Careers:Astronaut
EntrepreneurLawyer
Nightclub owner
Photographer
Private investigator
Stand up comicVenture capitalist
Video game developer

Q)WHAT KIND OF A ROCKER ARE YOU?
You Are an Emo Rocker!
Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.

You are 60% Aries

Exotic Dancer Name Is...
Sunset

Q)WHAT SODA TYPE ARE YOU?
You Are Dr. Pepper
You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you.People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do.Your best soda match: Root Beer

Q)WHAT LIQUOR ARE YOU?
You Are Absinthe
You are a sloppy drunk, purposely drinking doesn't make you feel crazy, it's not any fun.Truth be told, you tend to prefer drugs to drinking,But you'd never pass up any absinthe that came your way!

Q)WHO IS YOUR DADDY?
Your Daddy Is Dennis Rodman
What You Call Him: Papi..Why You Love Him: He's your sugar daddy

Q)WHAT MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE ARE YOU?
You Are a Dragon
You are very charismatic and incredibly popular.People are drawn to your energy, but you are a very difficult person to get to know.You are very active - you are usually hard at work or play.You enjoy drama, and you enjoy anything unusual or eccentric.

Your Outrageous Name is:
Anita Beaver

THIS WAS SOOOO FUNN!! THERE WERE A ZILLION OTHER TESTS I HAD WANTED TO TAKE (where wud yer inner new yorker live,wat type of frappucino are you,your 1920's name,whats color shoud your eyes be...,to name a few)..but heck,one's gotta stop somewhere!!

black hole

2006-11-01T02:07:00.000-08:00

goddammit

cantya screw them till they cant c daylight anymore

those monsters..ransacking the mind till its dingy,stinkin and rotting

is a beautiful face enough to cover up a butchered state?

malign god
is he just a rumour?
started centuries ago?
if not then what?

fuck d goddamn world
what sent my mind tickin?

a few alphabets,stringed together with a lifetime of less than a few nanoseconds?
and yet the stupidity of it all??

knowing ill mock t this a few moments from now...and yet..y does dat thing up there overwork itself?its 19years old,weighs a few grams and is but made up of a number of cells.......

and feeling crappy fer the same problem as..

people judge?
and why shouldnt they?wont i do the same...

and yet..and yet..

the suffocatrion that grips you at times..the shame...

black.grey.

combining,inviting malice

give me my red.
my yellow.
drown me in orange.
gift me violet.

PRE EXISTING

2006-10-29T22:54:00.000-08:00

the mist lifted
his outline remained
was it a shadow?
or some ethereal substance..

From far away
he looked as if made of metal;
strong, stable
beckoning me
into his arms..

i ran,hands fastened around my skirt
for days i was running for this
searchin for my soul's image
its likeness
which was its only compliment
which made it complete,whole....

famished,tired,sleepless
every atom of life remaining was transferred
to my limbs
they ran fast
towards him
he was standing ;
firm,
smile reassuring,
welcoming me back home
until..

panting,i discovered he wasnt there
not a trace of him
the thin string of breath
that had sustained me till now
broke,
i fainted,
collapsed,
ready to surrender
to death's army

and then...

i opened my eyes
felt his arms around me
his kind eyes looked into mine
infusing me with life
my blood warmed
my glassy eyes
were restored their former vitality
kiss
my life

returned.
this time,fuller.

NORMAL? NOT REALLY

2006-10-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

by jove!

Something's wrong.Not with me. But wid u.

Yes u,the stranger i meet inevitably every day.Your face changes everytime i c u.And then i realize its my perspective dipping into inconstancy constantly.Before i can turn to have another look, you are gone.Gone.and then i realize it was me imagining.Positively vexed,i talk to myself,tryin 2 figure out d madness seizing me.everything around seems normal,good.and then normalcy begins to acquire bizzare connotations.who decides wats normal?who decides wats rational and logical?

foucolt said society indoctrinates us wid certain concepts of 'normalcy',taking it for granted and often not subverting it at all.when i think about him and myself,i feel ashamed.

ashamed because throughout my life ive been strongly apathetic towards abnormality.atleast from inside,irrespective of d tolerant,accepting,kind face i flaunted.untill i discovered about my madness.from a mad person's view,i m mad.insane,irrational."nonsense!" u say.yes i know its nonsense 2 u...just as wat u speak may appear nonsensical to me,tho i may never show it.

v r all part of a huge masquerade,widout xption and d masks v invent vary from time to time,or place to place.my happiness cms like a mask 2 u and ur tears appear fake 2 me.

i hav no sympathy for u.u need not smile with me.

i will sing alone.

u can cry alone.

2006-10-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

damn!

can u beat it..its the first time in my life when i have nothing to write .Usually my mind is buzzing with issues and stuff dat can be made into concrete paragraphs or somethin like that...hmm..

But if you really think about it,whats the whole goddamn point of writing over issues ..??more than half of the reading population will disagree with you anyway,and the rest ponder over why you even bothered to write and wonder ''now what could she mean by that?''(eyebrow raised,smile indicating that the writer is a freak).As for the people not included in these two halves , they read but with a complaicent eye, they dont listen to your words.

Those left out from the above categories are idiots like you and me who write,write and write a little more, trying to make them see what you feel and sometimes, when the post happens to be exceptionally good,or so you think, you feel really proud of yourself..smile smugly and relax back in your chair, pull your fingers to hear that subtle crack of the bones and stretch your back that has been bent towards the computer for the past half hour or so, giving you a faint resemblance to reptiles doing their due on the computer.....

And then , sittin right there , almost ready to pat yourself, u do the big shot writer thing by crossing your legs,stretching your arms and deciding to oblige other writers by taking a peek at their work..so you visit their blogs..start reading and bang!! your voluptious happiness,in which you were gladly immersed till about 2 seconds back is thrust into a dungyard as you witness pieces of writing undoubtedly superior to yours... seething with bold contemporary issues...written beautifully and hell!! effortlessly carrying that much coveted ' X factor' ( like Farah khan and Anu malik would put it)....

and then jerks out a faint hiss 'abey kya yaar..'

starry skies..

2006-10-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

Beautiful resignation...the feeling leaves me fulfilled like there is no need to strive anymore...his essence is worth surrounding with at all times..has a reassuring quality... my signal was clear.. the presence was like a supplement to me..compeleted a lack and yet provided something new,extra...bewildering...like action that cannot be frozen,encompassing small thrills that can make up a lifetime....

the residual feelings have been ornamented and kept at the recedes of my mind, can be alluded to when my mind slips into moments of chic languor.....yellow,crimson,orange...and finally blinding red! like the orgasm of consumption..aristotlean appetite..sensual and completing..... the fire blazes unquestioned,unhalted,refreshed by grand ocean waves both receding in confrontational embraces... feelings and logic at disease with each other...no questions asked...

and the speculations of the future encompass a vanilla quality.. promising and pleasant and at the same time is raging with a pristine chocolatey passion and the beautiful violence following the marriage of a tulip with an african rose...has nothin to do with the predictable or the ritualistic... should not be preserved...feelings dissolving into the infinitude,generating newness....

2006-10-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

blood- zenith fer passion, is hot , restores life.
also terrifies,traumatizes.
comprises of RBCs,water,platelets and oxygen.

skin - seduces,induces pleasure and a skin massage relaxes.
can also produce resentment,anger,disapproval.charred skin horrifies.
is made up of a protein.has 3 layers.

love - elevates, results in happiness n satisfaction.
can also cause pain,envy,obsession.may cause murder.
is a construct of the human mind.

achievment - makes u feel successful and fulfilled.empowers.
comes at a cost,may lead 2 condemnation as with ullyses.
is attainment of a goal.

you - love yerself, have strong suits and strengths,loved by others.
get depressed,hav everythin apart from wat u really want.
r made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.

I - m proud,happy,free and pretty.
sometimes pretend m all of d above.
m made up of a body,mind and somethin known as a soul.

blaah...blaah...blaah
words.stupid words constructed me.language created me.it can describe me and therefore limit me.my limitless possibilities lay inside the womb. can d doctor re-join the umbilical chord please?? not permanently,only fer a few seconds..i wanto re-live those 9 months..to feel what it was like.but i know my nirvana lies outside.d world has bcome my surrogate womb.maybe ill feel dislocated inside ma mother's body.life out of life.life produced life!

PLAY

2006-10-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

she looks on
life stares back
it stares from the stands
while she plays the real game
she is the player
she is the coach
life is an onlooker

till yesterday
it played the game fer her
she lay on her lazy bums
finishin cigars one by one
looking resigned
untill opportunity came by

he pulled her up by one arm
grabbed her by the waist
and kissed her hard
she was stunned
he kissed her again
hungrily
her red gown looked faded
in comparison to her face
it was burnin
her vitality was returned to her
from being a passive spectator
she became active
she kissed him back
her nails digging into his back
they gave birth to passion and fulfillment

the four together murdered cynicism
they cozened helplessness till it was left beggin
they ran to the field
started playin
their laughter was all consuming
she was free
she ran and her blood was redder
she snattched zombie
pulled off his mask
he could breathe
the five ran asunder

the heavens saluted them
they were gods!

DENGUED SOULS

2006-10-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

idiots!

all they can evr do is pass the blame on somebody else..responsibility is reduced to mock humor and really if anythin,they r responsible when it comes 2 usin cuss words at every possible pretext,smell of shit most of the times,eat as if there is no other activity in the world and use their smelly towels to wipe spit,not to mention the perennial scratchin of their groin...

welcome to the world of mcd.surprisingly they do know the fullform.

u seriously dont bother to look the cynical reality in its face untill a close one dies of dengue,of steps evaded by these babus cos it is too much work, the way their corrupt debauched souls lie when it comes to laying down the figures of ppl effected and their complaisence afterwards.

u may have deduced that someone close to me has been effected.yes they have and its pathetic to see them suffer.this one's out of danger thankfully,but i saw many in the process of dying,not recieveng proper care,dying away in hospitals like AIIMS ... they say there's a shortage of blood..please guys,please,if u r believers then for the fear of god and if u r athiests or agnostics like me ,then out of social duty donate blood!!

2006-09-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Inertial pause.....all action suspended...momentary halt......life hesitates to move on,the past pulling it back and the future firmly beckoning.....

A cigarette is lit and the thoughtful eyes look on as if prophesising about something.,the body reclines back on the couch and his nostrils,slightly flared push out white languid fumes .the body; caught in its own weariness and reluctance to change.it had arrived at a point, and worked all through its life to reach it.now they want to push him further.to create a place? place for whom? he wont budge one inch!

And so he plants himself resolutely on the couch.He is dressed in nothing but a black bathrobe,slightly crumpled and not fitting in with the white leather sofa and the luscious decor of the room.He was wealthy and he made sure that his appearance articulated that most of the time.Except now.Right now he had other things in mind.

The bedroom door opened and a girl,barely clad, stepped out. Dressed in a white vest and lace panties..her nipples prominent and her dark tresses scattered all over her bare shoulders,she pulled a jar of apple juice out of the refregirater and drank.He watched her pink lips sink into the mouth of the jar,pressed firmly against it.....her slender body forming a perfectly shaped silhoutte against the wall..the sun catching her golden thighs and legs ...his eyes travelled all along her body..

last night had been good.yes definitely pleasurable.He wont mind having her again.He asked her how much she wanted and whether she'd like to go down all by herself or should he send for his car.She casually hinted the figure in a husky voice and said she'd like it if he could drop her to her house downtown..

she went back inside and closed the door behind her.Took a hot shower .Wiping her hair dry,she opened her purse and counted the cash.fifteen dollars.He would give her 250 more for her services.her services.she looked into the mirror.God had made her beautiful.one thing she was thankful for.for had it not been for her beauty,how would she and her kid brother survive?they were orphans,living in a bad neighbourhood.She had never gone to school and got pregnant twice.All of sixteen,she loved her ten year old brother and wanted him to have a decent education..and she,well she could pull on without it. in any case she didnt even have time for school with her day jobs and night services.She earned just enough to keep up their home, put clothes upon their backs ,food into their stomachs and send him to a school...her eyes were a beautiful brown..deep, if one cared to look inside them, and full of hidden meanings,repressed dreams, horrified memories and buried trauma....she wont let anybody retrieve them for her,her soul was closed.her heart had no place for god.she had only felt his cold shoulders...

she hurriedly slipped into her jeans and pulled on a top.Tying her hair into a knot,she scrambled out of the room...he was still sitting there,looking out of the window.He got up and handed her a roll of bills.."breakfast?"
"no,i'd rather hurry..samsom must be waiting..".Samson was her brother.
" right then,as u said, i have arranged for the driver to drop you home.There shouldnt be any problems.."
"Thanks.." she gasped,"i should hurry along now..''
"Yeah.." and he looked at her beautiful bosom.."i would call u if i need you again.."
she didnt reply and walked steadily out of the front door...

He kept looking at her till she disappeared down the terrace.His groin was aching.he couldnt call her back now.....and somehow it was more than just her body,her beautiful and firm curves.there was something more ..something he could not lay his hands on...something to which he could never have access ,no matter how many times he slept with her..it was something she had reserved deep inside.And he wanted to touch it.tenderly,gently.would she trust him..? but why would she?..infact why should she?? He didnt trust himself.....and still..the longing ....

savin me

2006-09-11T05:04:00.001-07:00

saviour

come touch me
till your fingers sense my soul
and my nerves send electric signals
delighted in the reverie

hug me
share my solace
the infinite craving for blessedness
however wicked may the world be

pull up close
to catch my tremors
when your skin is near mine
and when saperation becomes the prime fear

lets transgress the walls
binding us to the ritualistic
fly high with the fireworks
generated from our union

fling away the blasse life we have lived uptill now
lets sashay down the ramp
with the spotlight on the trail
swing me and catch me
let me feel your moist breath

exit mode

2006-09-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

going..going...gone??

baby i'm addicted,but all i really know dat yer d only reason i am tryin..

someone somewhere hopelessly strikes a chord with you, a very strong one at dat, only for u realize that it is amazing,exhilirating even, has got aphrodisiacal properties but is ,nonetheless, hopeless..

they feel the same and you getto know widout their telling you,but forces outside your control keep you from expecting more out of d relationship,even induce saperation,tears,morbid thoughts,dull sadness and in d end, a void where that person had resided....

bang!!!!

life changes.it rains,rains and rains more...an empty street outside greets you with its infectious morbidness..but you resist,you resilient spirit,you resist and force the darkness away...

in your head,in your head,zombie,zombie,zombie..

and then sleep dawns.its soothing wings carry you away into a comforting,beautiful emptiness..and you thank her..life changed,not me ,nor did some other things and in that constancy my recovery lies..

the umbilical chord broke,the blood got splattered all over,i cried but those tears diluted the blood till the dark threatening red opaqueness acquired a less menacing translucent quality,

The phantom threatened execution
its sharp teeth ready to dig into my throat
the vampire expressed its loathe
splattering me with its venom
welcome to misery's harem

yes i did face the darkness
duelled with the devils
ye god!where art thou?
even he refused to pull me out of d mess

and the sun did ascend
its rays pierced the morose greyness
d misery i did transcend
jumped out of the endless abyss..

think knot

2006-09-03T03:07:00.000-07:00

windy night

sitting by the window,i reflect..a book is open in my lap ,d black words staring back at me.. pages furiously flipping by,crying for my attention..

but i am sunk in resolute reflectiveness,thinking ..and yet not thinking..i let thoughts paint themselves on my mind without intervening..

mom..my frikin speakers dat refuse to belch out any sound...d rock cds i must return manjari by monday..isha's bizarre phonecall and her stupid attempts at bitching about kanu..nikhil nitin and their gig at d mezz..following wid nikhil's ecstatical phonecall..chicken momos..dad's promise to bring home some good bubbly for me and LA...d weird guys thronging my colony these days,creating a ruckus each evening..that lady who shouts the daylight out of us, if i and shivani laugh too loud...mann n his bogus lovelife...

the cellphone burps.1 message recieved. an -ibn update.thank godd! i thought it would be one of those anonymous senders..for d past one hour their bogus corny msgs hav been flooding my cell..

i often sink into such blank moments when thoughts assault me on their own,receding one by one..leaving no permanent impression in my mind..

i pull my lazy bums from the couch n stretch myself..

wat did i sit for anyway??i glance at the foresaken book..

fuck!! d presentation ...

oh!!

but wat d hell ill do it later..i snatch d discman 4m d bed n close my eyes to lithium...saunter off d room n descend d staircase..only 2 b attacked by mansi n shivani..one pulls off an earphone 2 stick into her ear n the other grabs hold of my cell...naural when u hav a hutch prepaid with 1500 msgs .. talk of xploitation!!